My Zombiehood

The following report is cited from a home listening device recorded just the week before the owner of this device was mysteriously murdered. Please….Listen in:
Hello, Sir. I’m with the Save A Zombie Foundation. May I borrow a cell of your time?
 
A Cell?
 
Just a blood sample…
 
We’ll, heh. You see, the thing is, I don’t, umm, I don’t have any blood?
 
Fair as well.
 
Yyeah. I, …thanks. BYE.
 
If I could just have one minute of your time…
 
Yes. I heard y-
 
Ok. Thank you.
 
No what I-
 
Sir. You don’t seem to be enjoying life right now. Would you like to join the zombie union? You get paid to eat, you see… It is a very rewarding life!
 
I just don’t know. I think I like being human.
 
You say you like being human, my friend?! MY! What a bud this is for you. You see, for a limited time, our union agrees to *cough…not kill you* for a simple fee of 38mls of blood a day.
 
Are you a zombie?
 
No Sir. Not yet. I am on a bloodshed free TBAZ (to be a zombie) list. I do not need to donate blood as I am preparing myself for the conversion…from man to zombie! A glorious day indeed; to live life in this age! And this time! My friend, you too, can become a zombie. I mean, basically, (its eat and get paid or be eaten so what are you going to do here?) you know?
 
Fare thee well. I must submit, but before this fit, I will deny the subject of it!
 
You are insane!
 
Clear and plain! Not you like…so main frame.
 
Alright, well I’ll see you tomorrow Bill.
 
Later Fred. Tell the wife I said hello.
If you or someone you know is not yet a zombie, please report them to the civics center so they may be assigned a job, all health benefits included.
Remember: A fed zombie is a happy zombie.